10 Signs You And Your Partner Are Compatible.

When you hear people talk about compatibility in a relationship they often say “We fit together like a puzzle”, how much in common they have, or how well they get along.

But that’s not just what compatibility is about, I mean these are definitely contributing factors and they are important too. 

Compatibility is one of the most important factors in a long-lasting and healthy relationship, it’s right up there next to effective communication and healthy conflict resolution.

So what is compatibility in a relationship?

Being in a compatible relationship means that you work well together, enjoy each other’s company and have a good time. You see we are constantly assessing our compatibility with others unconsciously, when someone new comes on staff and the first time you meet them, you start asking questions and just trying to see how well you will work together.

If you’re on a date for the very first time, you must have some type of mental checklist that you use to determine if you like this person enough to go on a second date. After asking several questions which you think will give important information, you can determine whether or not you and this person are compatible.

Even in friendships, you can tell by an interaction you have with someone whether or not you could be good friends or not right?

I didn’t always have the understanding of compatibility when I was younger in fact, I didn’t have specific criteria and just dated guys solely based on their interest in me and how I thought we got along.

I remember being in a relationship where we were very much in love and happy(or so I thought) and it lasted a long time, I don’t quite remember when I started realizing we weren’t exactly compatible but we were very different.

I was shy and introverted, he was very outgoing and well-known, we had completely different upbringings and childhood and most importantly; I was hard-working and very much goal-oriented while he was more laid back because he grew up never having to want for anything.

You see regardless of how in love we were or long our relationship lasted, we were never going to work simply because we weren’t compatible- we were too different.

I could never open up to him and talk about certain stuff with him because I knew he would never understand, our conversations didn’t have depth.

And that’s why it’s so important to ask these important questions, really get to know someone before jumping into a relationship. It’s so important to properly and thoroughly assess your compatibility with someone before getting emotionally and physically attached.

Related post: 15 Creative And Smart First Date Questions To Ask Him

But, I don’t want that for you and I don’t want you to make my mistakes.

Obviously, you’re not going to be 100% compatible with anyone even that may lead to complacency but you want to make sure you are compatible enough to last and be happy. Instead of it leading to toxic co-dependency.

So here are some ways you can tell whether you are compatible with someone.

1.Similiar Childhood And Upbringing

I kind of talked about this a little in the example I gave earlier sharing an experience I had in a previous relationship. Your childhood and how you were brought up have a lot to do with your expectations from your partner in a relationship, your mindset, philosophies and perspective.

Say for example you grew up with both parents working really hard to provide for you and your siblings, they taught you the virtue of working for what you wanted because nothing comes free. 

Your partner however grew up very comfortably, he never had to want or need anything, his father made so much money his mom could stay at home and take care of the household. He might expect this from you as well, this could also affect how the finances are managed in your relationship and just this problem alone could end your relationship.

Maybe you were raised in a Christian home and religion is very important to you but you might meet someone who isn’t religious at all and doesn’t even believe in God, would that be a deal-breaker for you ?

A lot of women might argue and say “I could change him”, girl please don’t be one of those women. Why would you change a man when other men are religious and who is way more compatible with you?

So you see these things really affect so much.

2. You “like” This Person.

This is what is often mentioned when people refer to compatibility. You have to like the person, you have to get along well and you have to be able to have fun with this person. This does in fact make sense, you need to be able to enjoy the company of your spouse.

Have you ever met a couple and they have been together for quite some time, they might even have children but they are absolutely miserable together?

They are always arguing and it’s so bad that it makes everyone around them uncomfortable and you just want to scream “Get a damn divorce already!!”

Those are couples who don’t “like” each other but for some reason think they still needed to stay together. It may be because of codependency or because they have kids but it’s obviously not healthy for either party.

You can tell if you “like” someone by how long you can spend with them without getting annoyed or tired of them. Can you genuinely enjoy their company and have deep and meaningful conversations or is it just sex?

Ask yourself these questions.

Related post: 10 Clear Signs You Are In A Healthy Relationship.

3. You Both Have Similar Lifestyles.

What if you are someone who travels a lot for either leisure or work and so you’re often out of the country, this might be a problem for someone who has a regular 9-5 and doesn’t travel often. 

 Or what if you’re a homebody(you love chilling at home), you would rather enjoy a quiet dinner at home and cuddle with your partner but you meet someone who is very outgoing and enjoys clubbing and dining out. 

So you may often spend hours waiting for your partner to come home after a night out because you preferred “staying in”.

This would create constant conflict and tension in your relationship; one person will feel rejected and the other will feel pressured. It’s actually something that is common in relationships. That’s why a lot of women only date men in their line of work or similar line of work.

This can be salvaged with a little compromise and negotiation but it an important factor in assessing compatibility in any relationship and can be a deal-breaker for many women.

4. Similar or the Same Long-term Goals

What are your long-term goals and how important are they to you?

You’ve probably spent your whole life working towards these goals and planning for them, are you willing to let someone come and change all those plans you have made? Are you willing to compromise your goals with anyone?

Heck to the no.

And see this is why it’s important to clearly state what your goals are and to also hear what the other person’s long-term goals are and see if they can come together. I think it’s unfair for anyone to compromise their dreams, even for love. They will resent you for a lifetime.

What if you’ve always dreamed of starting a family and getting married but you meet someone who checks all your boxes but has been through a terrible divorce and has 3 kids from that marriage? Because of that, he doesn’t want to get married or have any more kids.

These are real-life examples y’all, let that man go about his merry way because you are not compatible. I’m sure there’s someone for him and there’s definitely someone for you too, save yourselves all that unnecessary heartache.

Because it’s gonna come up several times later on, you’ll never be happy and he will constantly feel like he has robbed you of something.

5. Personalities and Common Interest Must Be Aligned

I instantly know when someone and I will get along. If they are loud, talkative, and argumentative then I know that I won’t because I am naturally shy, non-confrontational, and introverted.

It’s the same for a relationship, they often say that opposites but that’s not always true, you want someone who has a similar enough personality to get along. 

You also want to make sure that you have similar interests. What does this person do in their spare time? Do you have similar hobbies, tv shows etc? 

These are some of the questions I listed in my post about questions to ask a guy on the first date here, that’s why these questions are asked, to determine simple compatibility.

6. Mindset and Perspective on Important Issues.

Oh, this is such an important one for me. Have you ever noticed how someone thinks and they instantly become unattracted to you?

Like ew, you think like that? And so instantly you start to see this person differently and slowly start to distance yourself. This is because a person’s mindset and how they view things is very much more important than how they look or how much money they make.

And sometimes, we try to avoid those uncomfortable conversations discussing things such as race, poverty, violence, and abuse against women, incarceration, and political views.

 In fact, sis these are the conversations you NEED to be having.

In these conversations, the truth about who someone is lies. You need to agree or at least have similar mindsets and perspectives on what is most important to you. They need to be passionate about some of the things that are passionate to you.

You don’t want these issues to come up later on during your relationship and you wonder how you did not see this. Ask these questions now.

7. Ability To Accept your partner’s flaws.

Remember earlier on when I said that no one is really 100% compatible and there will always be something that you don’t like about someone?

That’s completely normal, it’s okay to believe there is someone that is perfect for you but that doesn’t mean they will be perfect. Compatibility also has to do with whether you are willing to accept someone else’s flaws and if they are also willing to accept yours.

It might be that he’s a little messy, has a man pouch, bad at communication or he might not be financially where you would like him to be but these are things you see yourself being okay with given that he’s willing to work on them.

This is something you need to think about, what are some of the things you’re willing to compromise on and what are some of the things you absolutely will not.

 This is what my dating guide allows women to do, list these things and then find a common ground so they can best maneuver the dating pool. They know exactly what they want.

If you have not made peace with these things, they will come back to bite you later on and it will always be a strain on your relationship.

8. Devotion To Your Partner and Relationship.

This is another important aspect of compatibility in a relationship and it’s pretty personal for me, so let me give you guys a quick story.

Many of you have known that I’ve been single for quite a while but in my last relationship, I felt like I was more devoted to our relationship than he was. 

He was also ready to call it quits after every small conflict while I was ready to ride until the end(Bonnie and Clyde style) but it was something that was repetitive and I felt like I was begging for his love.

He eventually ended the relationship which obviously left me really heartbroken but I say all this to say that we weren’t compatible in the sense that we were not equally devoted to each other and our relationship.

He had one foot in and one foot out while I had my arms, legs and behind in. This is a setup for inevitable failure because what will happen when hard times comes because they will, you need to make sure your partner is equally as devoted as you are.

If he is willing to throw in the towels after every fight then let him, it’s better to feel hurt now than later.

9. Willingness To Work Out/ Move On From Disagreements.

This is a bit similar to the above point but when you’re in a relationship with someone who you enjoy being around, have similar goals, a similar mindset, and everything I mentioned above.

You also acknowledge that they will have flaws and things you don’t like so obviously conflicts are going to happen. You have to both be willing to either work out these conflicts and move on from disagreements or agree to disagree so you can move on.

You don’t want one person being willing to move on while the other person isn’t, they are still talking about the same issue even way after it has happened.

They will constantly remind you of your flaws, downfalls and failures, it’s like an incessant fly that just won’t go away even when you think you swatted it.

10. Your Partner makes You Feel Safe and At Peace.

This is, I think, one of the most important compatibility factors. Peace, we all want peace, who doesn’t.

Being with someone who can bring you peace of mind and make you feel safe is one of the most amazing feelings, especially as a woman.

When you have had a bad day, you need to come home to someone who can ease your pain and make you forget about how bad your day was.

Whether you have lost your job or got a promotion, you want to feel confident telling your partner this news because you know they support you and help you work through them.

This is someone you want to be around at your lowest; especially if you are dating at an older age. And after going through so many failed or even toxic relationships, having someone who brings you peace should be a big priority.

It definitely is for me.

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