We all know that no relationship is perfect and everyone has things they need to work on. However, over time some relationships can become so unhealthy that it starts to feel like a full time, underpaid job that’s draining all your energy.
More recently the word “toxic” has been so frequently used on social media and sometimes overused, but what is a toxic relationship?
A toxic relationship is one that is abusive and manipulative verbally, physically, or emotionally. It makes you feel continuously feel emotionally drained, robbed, or even depressed instead of healthy and fruitful. A lot of women are often in deep denial that they are in fact in a toxic relationship because they’ve endured it so long it has become their new norm- that makes me so sad.
You might be reading this and wondering if your relationship is really toxic or just going through a ”rough patch” but when rough patches last for weeks and months even years, then yeah it’s toxic. Here are some signs of a toxic relationship to look out for :
1. You Stop Spending Time with Family and Friends.
It’s normal to want to spend more time with your partner especially at the beginning of a relationship but maintaining a relationship with your friends and family during a relationship is very important- see this post I wrote on this topic.
If your partner tries to prevent you from seeing your family and friends then this is an act of manipulation and control. One of the first things abusers try to do is isolate you completely from your loved ones as they are often the first to know when something is wrong in your relationship.
You’re not an item that needs to be possessed and controlled like a puppet.
It may be subtle like always making up an excuse to prevent you from going out, pitting your friends and family against you or vice versa, creating an issue or starting an argument. These are often initial signs and its best to get out as soon as possible and run for your dear life.
2. You’re Constantly Walking on Eggshells.
Relationships are supposed to be light, fun, and playful. This doesn’t mean you won’t have fights but It shouldn’t feel like you are constantly walking on eggshells. You shouldn’t have to think carefully about what to say to your partner because they might get upset or it might start an argument.
Another pointer of a toxic relationship is constant fighting, making up and then fighting again, constantly feeling like the rug is being pulled from under your feet- a viscious cycle of unrest/
There should not be a constant tension that it becomes hard to have a conversation without the fear of backlash or repercussions. This is often one of the key signs of a toxic relationship.
3. Gaslighting
This is a very common thing, a lot of people are being gaslighted without even knowing. Gaslighting is a psychological manipulation inn which someone makes you question your own thoughts and feeling.
It’s one of the most toxic psychological experience I ever had and it is often so subtle it can go unrecognized for months, years even. This is why women who are in abusive or toxic relationships often are in denial because the pyschological manipulation is so deeply rooted. I was dating this guy once who made me question every feeling I had by saying I was being “dramatic” until I eventually stopped saying how I felt and pushed it all under the rug.
Whenever I tried to explain how their actions affected me all of a sudden I was being inconsiderate and they started telling me all the things that were going wrong in their lives-painted quite a picture, I would leave every argument being the bad guy.
I actually started to believe that I was being dramatic and i was crazy to the point where I no longer allowed myself to react to anything he did-the whole time I was right about literally everything.
That eventually drove me into depression, I’ve never felt more alone in any of my relationships. If you are going through this you need to acknowledge that it’s toxic and call them out!
4. You’re Afraid to Bring Your partners Around Them.
Your families and friends are sometimes the first set of people to realize that you’re unhappy in a relationship.
If you make excuses constantly for not bringing your spouse around in fear of what your friends and family might see or say- something is definitely wrong and you need to look deep within yourself for that answer.
5. You Avoid Your Partner.
People in healthy relationships want to spend time with their partner, period. If you’re constantly avoiding your partner and tip-toeing around them then something is wrong in your relationship and you need to have a candid conversation to address it.
6. You Do Things Unwillingly.
Everything that you do in your relationship should be a choice that you make willingly. If you find yourself cooking, cleaning, doing relationship stuff, and especially having sex and there’s a sense of unwillingness then something’s wrong.
Maybe you feel like you need to, it’s your job or you’re being pressured by your partner or even out of fear but this is unhealthy and can easily become toxic and draining for you.
7. Lack of Reciprocity
The biggest killer in a relationship is little or no reciprocation. A relationship is about two parties coming together as a team and if one person feels like they are doing too much with little reciprocation or appreciation, you will eventually start feeling resentment towards your partner and it can easily become toxic and drain the life right out of that relationship.
Once you learn how to love yourself and harnest your true self-worth, you start setting higher standards for how you want to be treated and tolerate less from people. You deserve full reciprocity.
You need to assess why there is a lack of reciprocation in your relation because a healthy relationship has full reciprocity.
8. Unreliability
Knowing that you can trust your partner is the most comforting thing ever, it makes you feel secured and safe and as a woman that is very important.
It starts with simple things like relying on your partner to take out the trash, pick up that milk you asked them to, stop contacting that specific person, just doing what they say they would. It breaks down trust and adds additional pressure on you. It also shows how little your partner values you and your relationship, it shows the level of committment.
9. Lack of Communication.
Communication is key in every relationship. If you and your partner can’t communicate about simple things, it creates a silent zone where things that are supposed to be said aren’t being said, arguments arent being resolved in a healthy manner and you both are walking on eggshells.
It’s like that one person who missed a stop sign but causes several pile up of vehicle and damages that could’ve been avoided if the sign was read correctly. It has the same damaging effect on your relationship.
10. Lack of trust.
Trust is everything. Its the backbone of every relationship and the root of so many issues. Breach of trust can cause serious damage to your relationship, almost unrepairable.
It can stem to so many toxic and obsessive behaviors, a lot of people try to repair their relationship after a breach of trust- which is very possible but unless both parties are willing and committed sometimes its best to walk away.
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After reading this post, what stood out to you? Do you feel like you are in a toxic relationship ? Talk to me in the comments- I also respond 🙂
