Every relationship has different rules, boundaries and standards that each individual has whether directly or indirectly came together and decided on.
Every couple is different and has different codes . People’s definitions of a “Healthy relationship” can differ so let’s start off with talking about what is a healthy relationship vs what is unhealthy.
A healthy relationship is one that nourishes you and your needs. What I mean is, a healthy relationship brings out the best in you, it shouldn’t hinder who you are or who you want to become, it enables that. It enables you to become your best self while still maintaining your individuality.
Now obviously this doesn’t mean perfection, no one is perfect.
I believe that we’re all individualized with different needs, personalities, backgrounds and expectations. Coming together with someone, sharing those things and working out how you can meet them and make it work. Now that’s healthy.
There are flaws and sacrifices that you would compromise in a healthy relationship versus things you will absolutely NOT tolerate in a toxic one.
A lot of these factors also ties into compatibility, oftentimes we try to make things work with someone and break our own hearts and sacrifice things that are really important to us.
But no matter how you want things to work or how much you love someone, if you’re not compatible- you just arent.
If you really want to find out more about compatibility and see if you and your patner is compatible click here.
Related post: 10 Key Factors That Determine Compatibilty In A Relationship.
For example, someone who has communication issues but is working on being better versus someone who knows they have communication issues but refuses to accept it and gaslights you instead.
There is no guessing which is healthy and which isn’t.
I think also another big contribution to the overall health of a relationship is a common goal and mutual commitment in achieving those goals.
As soon as the scale tips a little and the balance starts to shift, there’s an issue .
That’s why it’s very important to be honest and open with what you want in a relationship and you hope to accomplish by coming together.
Here are 10 signs your relationship is healthy, good luck 😉
1.Boundaries
A key sign of a healthy relationship is that it MUST have boundaries. There must be some lines you know your not going to cross, things you won’t do or say for a relationship to be healthy.
Your boundaries might be, hey I’m not going to search through my partner’s phone, I’m not going to call him names or use harshful words, I’m not going to bring up something personal he told me. And it’s important to talk about these too and communicate what you need from each other.
It’s even more important to STAY in those boundaries. You’ll know NOT to search in their stuff, to bite your tongue during a heated argument or walk away to prevent yourself from saying something you’ll regret.
Keeps you both in check as well as it proves how devoted and respectful you both are towards each other. It’s just like telling your kids to knock before they enter or not to enter a specific area because its out of bounds.
As soon as these boundaries are breached, you will literally see the disappointment and hurt in your partners face- its like breaking a pinky promise . It creates a breach of trust and pushes you both apart, of course we’re not perfect and they’re is going to be slip ups, but its good to have these things in place.
2. Good communication.
I can’t even begin to emphasize how important communication is. Let me just say this from now, don’t date men who can’t communicate – it’s 2023 and we don’t have time to be reading between the lines.
Like isn’t adulthood hard enough already, now I have to learn to read your mind too ?
Communication is key to every relationship! You and your partner need to be able to sit down and talk about things that are bothering you both without it starting an argument.
There needs to be a safe area that you can both express your feelings, wants and complaints . I get so surprised when men can’t communicate about simple things!
I then start rationalizing that maybe it’s how society is and how men aren’t allowed a safe place to express their feelings. That I understand, but there’s a big difference with effort versus an excuse.
When you know what your partner wants from you, what you need to work on and what you need to continue – it gives you both the freedom of working on that and bettering your relationship.
All good and healthy relationships are based on the foundation of good communication skills.
3. Fair Fights.
I think it’s so easy to get riled up in a conflict because we think it’s about winning and who gets in the most words and we might ultimately end up winning the fight but losing our partner and that has been accomplished so far.
I also think knowing what fights to pick and when to pick fights is also a part of fair fights. If you know your partner has had a bad day at work, don’t nag them about something from last week, be considerate, be nice, be supportive.
Also, be careful what you say during an argument. That’s why communication and boundaries are again so important, if you were having those candid conversations from the get-go then there would be no pent-up anger and if you were setting those boundaries and keeping them, arguments would be a lot more fair.
A healthy couple has fair fights, one in which each individual listens, tries and sees how best they can fix the problem instead of attacking each other. Remember you are both in this together and you want to STAY together.
Major steps in fighting fair should include:
- Initiating a conversation
- Listening to your partner’s concerns and feelings
- Acknowledging and validating those concerns
- Staying those healthy boundaries i talked about
- Coming to a fair agreement
- Bonus make-up sex.
4. Mutual support.
Having mutual support an admirable and necessary quality in a relationship. Just knowing that you have someone who will always have your back and will always be cheering for you.
It’s important that you support your partner in their dreams and goals and vice versa. I said mutual because anything one-sided or halved is not at all healthy and in fact very draining and exhausting.
It’s similar to how a mom wants to attend every function her child participates in, cheering him/her on every way and loving them win or fail. Having that mutual support gives you that feeling of trust and security which is needed in every relationship.
No one wants to feel insecure or left out, it builds up resentment and pent-up anger which leads to so many other toxic behaviors that hinder your relationship from thriving.
5. Trust.
Trust and communication is the building blocks of a healthy relationship. If you have trust issues like myself due to past relationships and just people being liars in the past- that’s okay. We’re not here to judge and it’s a supportive community over here. Right guys?
Before I get into this, I recommend you read one of my recent posts on reasons why you should stay single here.
I think probably most of us can admit that at least one of our relationships have failed due to lack of trust.
That’s because trust gives you security- its like an insurance policy for your relationship. If you can say you trust your partner and you are not insecure in your relationship, toodles to you girl !
It takes time and consistency to build substantial trust in your relationship and you have to have these conversations about what you need in order to get to that point. But is these hard and uncomfortable conversations that will help strengthen your relationship and make it even more healthy.
The biggest contribution to trust, well at least for me is consistency and doing what you say you would or wouldn’t do! I would love to hear how trust is earned for you and if you feel the same in the comments below but this definitely a huge factor to building my trust- actions speak louder.
6. Spending Quality Time Together.
Time spent apart does not always make the heart grow fonder but in fact sometimes more distant. Spending quality time with your partner strengthens the bond that you have and reminds you why you even got together in the first place.
A relationship is just like any other investment and you need to put time in for it to grow and blossom. It’s so easy to get caught up in our individual lives and busy schedules and neglect the needs of our partner and the commitments we once made to them.
A healthy couple:
- Has date nights
- Has frequent sex
- Sometimes sends cute little text messages to check in
- Small getaways or vacations
These are some ways in which you and your partner can spend time together to nurture your relationship 🙂
7. Maintained Individuality
As much as you are in a relationship, you are an individual just the same. You have your own ideas, goals, opinions, likes and dislikes and needs. Those need to be nourished so you can bring your best to the table and not feel like you’re losing yourself or who you are.
Learn how you can maintain your individuality in a relationship in one of my previous posts here. I’ve always said that relationships are for whole and healed people- you first need to build a relationship with yourself and give yourself what you need first before you can offer that to someone else.
It’s okay to still practice self-care, go out by yourself or with your friends, work on your individual goals, still have your own opinions and ideas while being in love with someone else and giving a piece of yourself. It shouldn’t completely change who you are, it shouldn’t feel like a betrayal to yourself or a loss.
8. Forgiveness
A lot of people might not believe in this or agree but forgiveness is crucial for a relationship to last. Obviously, you’re not going to stay with someone who continuously disrespects you or doesn’t value the relationship.
But we have to also acknowledge that we are all humans, we all come with personal weaknesses, trauma and struggles. Forgiveness is actually vital for growing together with your partner and strengthening your union.
I’m always listening to podcasts about love and relationships and stories of couples who have had a long marriage and one time this particular couple had something interesting to say. They had been married for 35 years and the man said the reason their marriage had survived for so long was because they were always willing to forgive each other and take acknowledgement of their own discrepancies and failures.
To me that was super powerful. Now, there are obviously some things I will absolutely NOT tolerate in a relationship but I also think that it’s important to forgive those little things and move on.
You have to decide what you’re willing to forgive and what you’re not willing to forgive. But when you do decide to forgive, forgive and let it go- don’t keep bringing it up.
9. You “Like” Your Partner.
I think a lot of people are in relationships and they say they love each other but they don’t actually “like” their partner. They live together and they have probably been together for quite some time- they make it work.
But they don’t like being around them, they don’t like their laughs or they smile, they don’t like how passionate and creative they are, they don’t like how kind and compassionate they are.
In fact, they don’t like being around them at all. They simply live together as a means of survival and so that everyone’s happy and taken care of. A lot of relationships are like this where there are kids involved, I hope you understand what I’m saying.
I think it’s important that you like your partner and you want to spend time around your partner for your relationship to be healthy- it shouldn’t feel like it’s a burden.
10. Showing Gratification and Appreciation.
Everyone loves to feel appreciated, we all want to show off and tell our girlfriends and family members all the good things our partner has done for us.
A relationship where there is no sense of appreciation is very fragile because it’s like leaving college without a degree or certification to show. After so many years of hard work there is no reward.
A simple text message or a handwritten slip letting your partner know they are loved and appreciated, actually verbalizing it to them, going on dates and giving gifts. It provides a sense of reassurance that I think as women we need.
These simple acts can do so much for your relationship, when you know how appreciated you are, you are pushed to even do more or continue doing what you were.
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[…] is one of the most important factors in a long-lasting and healthy relationship, it’s right up there next to effective communication and healthy conflict […]
That was a really good read, thank you so much. All really important points, thanks for sharing, always good to see facts written out!!
Thank you so much Nicolle, happy you enjoyed reading ❤
These are important for a good relationship. We working on it although sometimes can be difficult to do everything.
Fair Fights are very important. Sometimes in the heat of anger, we do or say things we do not really mean. Of course, Respect, Loyalty, trust, and forgiveness, are equally important and something we have to work on every day! Thanks for this post.
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